A Stolen Goodbye

So the whole coronavirus saga has been a nightmare for everyone right from the beginning, it has been truly awful, loved ones have lost life’s, people have lost their jobs and the staff that are still working throughout the different sectors are nearly on their last legs.

But for me the Coronavirus along with a new diagnosis changed something that I will never be able to rectify or ever get the chance again.

Around 6 months ago my grandad became more frail quickly and needed more support. My mum and some of grandads other family members all helped where they could. My nanna and grandad don’t live close by about 200miles away so I didn’t get to see them as often as I’d liked.

After my diagnosis they would ask how I was all the time and I would ask the same about them. Grandad was deteriorating and the first time he was taken to hospital they said he was Covid positive but non symptomatic. Meaning he could have no visitors at all, that was the first blow for me. They prepared us for the worst but he pulled through, came home and was plodding along nicely. The two weeks incubation period passed and everything seemed ok.

Restrictions were still in place but travel was allowed at this point. My mum was already staying there and I wanted to go and see my grandad, so I booked into a hotel for that weekend. The day before I was due to go Restrictions were increased and the area where they live became a Tier 3. I was so upset because I had this feeling that I needed to go see Grandad as time is short and precious, but with my health issues my nanna didn’t want me to risk anything and she didn’t want me to go, so I never (something I will always regret to the bottom of my heart).

Anyway a month or so passed and we got the news that we could be together at Christmas!!! Great let the plans commence. Everything was arranged and organised. Then, my grandad was taken back into hospital and we were told he was Coronavirus positive again but again non symptomatic which certainly meant he was likely a carrier. This was the worst possible news, as it was a week before Christmas it meant that we would potentially be walking into it ourselves and we couldn’t risk it or nanna . We were devastated, my nanna especially, grandad was probably secretly glad he wouldn’t be getting fussed over.

So Christmas came and went grandad had to stay in the hospital, over the next few weeks he began to deteriorate further and things weren’t looking or sounding great. At the same time as this I’d had some recent blood test results and told my antibodies were too high and I was at an increased risk to the virus and to pretty much self isolate.

Devastated.

Grandad was eventually put onto end of life care at the same time as my results and I couldn’t go and say my goodbyes. There’s no feeling like that or be able to describe or comprehend what I was and still am feeling.

My mum rang me one afternoon from grandads bedside and I asked her to put the phone to his ear, I told him that “I loved him very much and I hoped he was no longer in any pain” I literally couldn’t speak after that with the big tight ball in my throat and chest.

Grandad sadly passed a few days later. So although my diagnosis stopped me to some degree saying goodbye Coronavirus absolutely made it impossible and that for me has been the worse part of this whole thing.

Grandad I love you and I hope your having a whiskey wherever you are listening to Englebert Humperdinck šŸ™‚ and I’m sorry I never got to say goodbye to you in person šŸ’™

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